66. Blue Morpho Academy Series: Tommy Linville

[00:00:00] Hello and welcome to Pursuit of Infinity, a podcast where we explore the depths of human consciousness and delve into the fascinating world of psychedelics.

[00:00:09] The following is the debut episode in our Blue Morpho Academy series.

[00:00:14] Blue Morpho Academy is an academic institution focused on educating and accrediting plant medicine facilitators in safety protocols, superior methodologies, and the profound

[00:00:25] philosophy surrounding the healing and transformative aspects of the psychedelic experience.

[00:00:31] This series of interviews focuses on the inaugural students of the CITR Coach Certification Program,

[00:00:37] the pioneering class of 2023. We're kicking things off by spotlighting Tommy Linville, an exuberant and charismatic healer.

[00:00:46] Tommy's been a guiding light providing unwavering support to his peers. With a rich and eventful

[00:00:52] past, he's a treasure trove of captivating stories waiting for us to explore and enjoy.

[00:00:58] If you want to know more about the Blue Morpho Academy or their world-class retreat center,

[00:01:02] visit bluemorphotours.com or bluemorphoacademy.com. But before we get to it, as always you can visit our

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[00:02:01] that we've been putting together on a regular basis. Now with all that out of the way, thank you so much for listening and I hope you enjoy

[00:02:08] this week's episode.

[00:02:10] Hey everybody, welcome to Pursuit of Infinity.

[00:02:27] I'm your host Josh and today we have a very special series.

[00:02:30] We're kicking off our Blue Morpho Academy series.

[00:02:33] So you may or may not have heard on some of our previous episodes, some of my conversations

[00:02:38] with my brother that I've been attending this Blue Morpho Academy.

[00:02:43] And the program is to become a psychedelic sitter and coach.

[00:02:48] So what I decided to do was to go into our telegram group here

[00:02:53] and just throw out invites to anybody who wanted to come on the show,

[00:02:57] just to talk about their story, to talk about whatever,

[00:03:00] to discuss our progress and all of that throughout the course.

[00:03:03] And as it's coming to a close here,

[00:03:05] we have a few weeks left in the course.

[00:03:08] We're starting up the recordings now,

[00:03:10] hopefully to release them soon.

[00:03:12] And we're kicking it off today with Tommy Linville.

[00:03:14] Tommy, thank you so much for joining me.

[00:03:17] Oh man, thanks for having me.

[00:03:18] It's a pleasure being here.

[00:03:19] I like being the first one to break in the ice.

[00:03:21] We'll start strong.

[00:03:23] Oh yeah, we're going to start strong, man,

[00:03:24] because you have quite the story.

[00:03:26] So let's just get right into it, dude.

[00:03:28] Let's start from the very beginning.

[00:03:31] Yeah, man.

[00:03:32] So like I was explaining to you a little bit earlier though, you know, background is very

[00:03:36] diverse, man.

[00:03:37] I grew up with a separated parents divorced and, you know, I was growing up between nice

[00:03:42] settings like this for my vacations while

[00:03:45] being in pretty rural poor conditions for all my school years down in North Carolina.

[00:03:50] So like trailer parks and mansions.

[00:03:52] Like if I had a bio or a biography, it would probably just be, that would be the title,

[00:03:56] trailer park to mansions, you know?

[00:03:59] And I grew up with like a going to a Christian private school that was really small, but

[00:04:04] also super advanced

[00:04:06] as far as education went.

[00:04:07] Like we were learning like algebra in third grade.

[00:04:10] And so I was also the kid to get picked on

[00:04:12] because I was poor.

[00:04:13] So I kind of weaponized my education as like my strength.

[00:04:17] It was very fascinating thing.

[00:04:18] And father is kind of a difficult guy.

[00:04:20] He was a heavy drinker.

[00:04:21] My mom, she has had a strong heart.

[00:04:23] So she had to separate

[00:04:25] to kind of develop her situation to make sure to set her kids up for success, you know.

[00:04:30] But yeah, man, like I was explaining to you about, you know, my dad was a lightning rod

[00:04:35] for just accidents. My earliest memory was about visiting him, or one of my earliest

[00:04:40] memories was visiting him in the hospital when he rolled his 1992 Camaro RST top, an estimated

[00:04:47] nine times ripped up a bunch of his skin, his Easter, his wild, and then there was this

[00:04:51] progression of these events. And we wound up getting an accident rear and a bi-drunk

[00:04:56] semi-truck driver. He wasn't smart enough to settle the right way. We could have been

[00:05:00] set for life. So cool. It means like God's just like throwing your bones like there you go. You can get out of all this stuff. And he's like, nah, that ain't good.

[00:05:08] And when I was about fifth or sixth grade, he got in this very intense car accident ready to

[00:05:14] use the jaws of life to get him out. And this is on the Carolina coast bordering Virginia. And

[00:05:19] they took him to Elizabeth City and he had broken all of his ribs, punctured his lungs,

[00:05:24] faces destroyed. Both of his arms, punctured his lungs, faces

[00:05:25] destroyed, both of his arms are broken, like everything was dismantled.

[00:05:28] Like he might as well have got ran over by a steam roller type shit.

[00:05:32] And he flat-lined for four minutes and the doctors didn't want to bring him back but

[00:05:37] my stepmother was like, no, you got to.

[00:05:39] Someone came back.

[00:05:40] His first memories or his consciousness was him being a pirate, which was really wild.

[00:05:52] And then he out of this coma, he had a brand new accent and it's Shakespearean age colonial period dialect called high tide. And there are still communities in the Carolina coast that maintain

[00:05:56] that accent, which is really wild. So he had that with him till the day that he died. But you know,

[00:06:02] the point of me bringing up these things, I was established some other good context

[00:06:06] to some other good stories.

[00:06:07] So, like I was saying, I'm growing up

[00:06:09] between these two different environments.

[00:06:11] It was very tough.

[00:06:12] It was weird being this really unique kid

[00:06:16] and this type of specific setting.

[00:06:19] But it provided me with a very beautiful,

[00:06:22] unique perspective and appreciation for life.

[00:06:25] No doubt those times were definitely tough.

[00:06:27] And my father and I, we got in some pretty fucking physical fights, you know, and that's

[00:06:30] eventually why I had to leave and there was lying and stuff going on.

[00:06:33] But I met peace with him.

[00:06:35] I've forgiven him.

[00:06:36] I took care of him throughout his death too, you know, and that was a whole other wild

[00:06:39] story too, man.

[00:06:40] But yeah, he was a lightning rod.

[00:06:42] So my introduction to psychedelics though,

[00:06:45] it's pretty crazy. So I was living in Wake Forest North Carolina and I didn't have a lot of

[00:06:50] freedoms when I was there. It was, I was living in the middle of nowhere where I was like,

[00:06:54] I was treated in not the best way when it comes from a perspective of parenting, where it was like

[00:07:00] extremely strict control, but then when things weren't going perfect, they're like, why didn't

[00:07:03] you do this with all this like supposed responsibilities that

[00:07:06] you were given, you know, it was just double-edged sword type shit nonstop. So

[00:07:10] I wound up taking Driver's Ed with one of my best friends. In fact, we are still

[00:07:15] best friends to this day and his name's Derek, Derek's the man. I love him forever.

[00:07:19] So he'd already taken mushrooms before and we shared a bunch of classes and so

[00:07:24] we're at Driver's Ed and it was a night course we shared a bunch of classes and so we're at driver's ed

[00:07:25] And it was a night course and so I was allowed to stay at night his house and this is like fall

[00:07:31] In North Carolina my sophomore year. So we're in our last class and

[00:07:36] I'm pretty excited. We bought a half ounce. So 14 grams of mushrooms. We're gonna split that from our first trip

[00:07:42] So we're in this this class and there's like this poster

[00:07:45] on the wall about like anti-drug driving

[00:07:47] and it's like all like trippy looking

[00:07:49] and he's like, that's basically kind of what it's gonna be

[00:07:51] like, I'm like, tight.

[00:07:53] So we wake up the next day

[00:07:56] and we were carrying this half ounce with us

[00:07:58] and we just go walk to a gas station

[00:08:01] and we just buy some candy

[00:08:03] and we just chomp the whole back

[00:08:04] right there in the gas station

[00:08:06] curb. Now Wake Forest at the time, very small, I'm saying population for the proper area might

[00:08:11] have been like 11,000 people and it's the location is where the like the theologian college originated

[00:08:18] at and then like Wake Forest University moved over to Winston-Salem. So that was also where

[00:08:23] high school was. So it's old beautiful brick buildings, giant magnolia trees, and a very quaint small town. Now,

[00:08:30] the cool thing about small towns are, when you know it, all the cops are the worst. So we eat

[00:08:36] all these mushrooms, and they kick in pretty swiftly, and we're hanging out like on the

[00:08:41] university campus, and you know, it's like we have this giant magnolia tree

[00:08:45] that's legit just kind of like laughing

[00:08:47] and being beautiful and checking out cars

[00:08:50] and cars are at this intersection

[00:08:52] just like stretching out in the longest shapes.

[00:08:55] We're gut busting, laughing hysterically,

[00:08:58] feeling so good and connected.

[00:09:00] So we have this other friend, he picks us up.

[00:09:02] He's sober, well ish, he's not tripping.

[00:09:05] And so this dude from California,

[00:09:07] and we're just driving around.

[00:09:08] And so we go out to the smoke spot we have out in the woods.

[00:09:11] And my buddy Derek, he's not smoking at the time

[00:09:14] because he's worried about getting a drug test

[00:09:16] from his parents, which is hilarious

[00:09:18] because it's all hypocritical shit.

[00:09:20] Meanwhile, his parents are smoking

[00:09:21] and doing all this other stuff too.

[00:09:23] Some out there, and kids are, we're so smart sometimes, right?

[00:09:27] So this guy, well this has got like a two foot long with him, ripping this thing out in the

[00:09:32] woods.

[00:09:33] And so like I was explaining, I have this difficult relationship with my father, because I was

[00:09:37] at this period of like becoming very aware of what's going on and seeing through bullshit.

[00:09:42] And wouldn't we know it also that's like when you introduce to psychedelics,

[00:09:46] it clears out all that field immediately

[00:09:49] and you see things truly as they are.

[00:09:51] So there I am having like beautiful epiphanies out

[00:09:53] in the woods about who we are as people, civilization

[00:09:57] and like really having this tremendous understanding

[00:10:00] of like, yeah, I mean, just like how things are

[00:10:04] and how much man made bullshit

[00:10:06] exists and what needs to be dropped. And so when you know it, I'm starting to peak, you

[00:10:10] know, so you get hit by these waves. So I'm out in the woods, dead leaves everywhere,

[00:10:15] and like the fallen leaves, they all suddenly they come together, like point to point and

[00:10:19] it looks like 2D stage props. And then the trees are flat and I have to call my dad and explain some things.

[00:10:26] I don't even remember what the conversation was

[00:10:28] but somehow I diffused and things are cool.

[00:10:30] And I'm like, okay, way to go, awesome.

[00:10:33] So I tell my buds, I'm like, can we get out of here?

[00:10:35] I'm like, I think I'll have a bad time

[00:10:37] for keeps meditating on these things.

[00:10:39] So we're leaving and man, it's just like,

[00:10:42] I'm seeing like kind of like Windows 95 graphics for video game type vision. It's just not even man, it's just like, I'm seeing like kind of like Windows 95 graphics

[00:10:45] for video game type vision.

[00:10:47] It's not even like, it's tight, but like,

[00:10:49] it's kind of like, well, it's a little bit weird.

[00:10:50] And these trees are spiraling down at me.

[00:10:53] And that's all I'm gonna kind of comprehend.

[00:10:55] And so the guy that we're with,

[00:10:57] what a genius he decides to park behind like a CVS.

[00:11:00] And why would you park there, right?

[00:11:03] And I'm just in my own mind.

[00:11:05] And so get this also at the time,

[00:11:07] like I've got very long hair.

[00:11:08] I got a camo jacket on, I'm wearing like a tie-dye,

[00:11:11] like doors t-shirt.

[00:11:13] I got aviators on ripped up jeans and a bandana,

[00:11:16] very similar.

[00:11:17] Looking like, you know, a gnome protester,

[00:11:19] you know, like, fuck nicks and tie-fives.

[00:11:21] And so we're sitting behind this CBS

[00:11:24] and it's got like, center blockicks and type vibes. And so we're sitting behind this CVS

[00:11:25] and it's got like, center block, just walling

[00:11:28] and the walls are just sliding down

[00:11:30] and every little crack is changing rapid,

[00:11:33] neon rainbow colors.

[00:11:35] There's a metal box to the side that's covered in rust

[00:11:37] and it's just like bleeding all over the place

[00:11:40] with ooze pouring.

[00:11:41] And then suddenly a cop shows up, of course.

[00:11:44] What are y'all doing over here?

[00:11:45] We got a report for us some suspicious activities

[00:11:49] Mind if I search the car and then the driver Mike he's like, yeah, and we're like dude

[00:11:54] What fuck would you say that and then he's like officer do I have the right to deny that?

[00:11:59] Of course the cop ignores him. What does he do he calls another unit? So we're sitting in the car and

[00:12:04] Of course the cop ignores him. What does he do? He calls another unit. So we're sitting in the car

[00:12:09] and we're like, right, Mike, you're probably going to need to hide this weed somewhere deep on your body. If you know what I'm saying. And like we got this, you're going to get a pair of finale

[00:12:13] you charge anyways, dude, just eat that. That's better. He's like, no, I'm just going to hide the

[00:12:16] weed under the seat. We're like, Oh my God, dude, like we're younger than you and we're telling

[00:12:20] you all this like the shit you should know not to do. So the cop asked me to get out of the car.

[00:12:26] He just like slaps my pockets on me.

[00:12:29] He's like, what is that keys and change?

[00:12:30] I'm like, yeah, doesn't even look at my pockets.

[00:12:32] And he's like, I go stand over there.

[00:12:33] So I'm standing off to the side,

[00:12:35] kind of leaning on this boat of this police car.

[00:12:37] I'm like, oh, Tommy, we're so fucked right now.

[00:12:40] I'm like, but you know what?

[00:12:41] Freaking out's not gonna do any good.

[00:12:43] I'm like, what's gonna happen, bud?

[00:12:44] You're gonna go hang out of the police department.

[00:12:46] Your parents are gonna be so pissed.

[00:12:48] You'll be grounded for so long,

[00:12:50] but freaking out isn't gonna do any fucking good.

[00:12:53] So I'm watching all this stuff unfold,

[00:12:55] and then so the cops find something in the front seat.

[00:12:57] What they first find though is some salvia.

[00:12:59] Back then, you know, salvia was like,

[00:13:01] you could buy it at a gas station.

[00:13:02] What's this?

[00:13:03] He's like, oh, it's salvia, man.

[00:13:05] We'll make sure to keep it in the label of packaging next time.

[00:13:07] We're like, OK.

[00:13:09] And you know, I'm tripping very hard, watching this shit unfold.

[00:13:12] And then suddenly the cops find the weed.

[00:13:15] Now at this time, I was a part of like a skateboarder click.

[00:13:19] And this was a very interesting vibe.

[00:13:21] And also described there's true racial tensions that were going on in my environment,

[00:13:25] especially at the high school.

[00:13:27] So the skater group was like right in between

[00:13:29] what was going on.

[00:13:30] We had just basically carte blanche to move, flow,

[00:13:32] and skater kids always had the coolest stuff going on.

[00:13:35] We had a very big network.

[00:13:37] And it was a crazy time also,

[00:13:39] because it's actually built on the news.

[00:13:41] There was kids that were disappearing.

[00:13:42] And everybody saw flip phones,

[00:13:44] but social media really

[00:13:46] hadn't been developed quite just yet. Like, Facebook at this

[00:13:49] time was like only for college folks. Anyways, what happened

[00:13:52] was kids got busted, set up cameras in their house, and they

[00:13:55] started running this big sting operation, and kids were just

[00:13:57] disappearing all over the place. And when you know it, all of

[00:14:00] like, Wake County got very dry, because we had an elaborate

[00:14:03] system between like us and the college kids and us applying for like parents, the whole community is crazy. And I'm referring

[00:14:08] to like marijuana, you know. So anyways, the cop finds this urge. And like I was saying to

[00:14:14] what our connections more really like, no, it's really great. In fact, it's not even like 100%

[00:14:19] cured. So I'm super fresh. So the cop pulls it out and out. He's like huh looks like it's kind of covered in some mold

[00:14:26] Like oh no, this guy's a genius. He's an ex narcotic unique. Wow. He's like yeah, you know

[00:14:32] This honestly doesn't have enough stem structure on it typically like some of the more higher quality things

[00:14:37] They're gonna be having a little more seeds to and we're like oh my god. No way

[00:14:42] And he's like we talked to one of your mothers

[00:14:45] so we're just gonna have you guys destroy this.

[00:14:48] And yeah, we'll just, these guys just go directly home.

[00:14:51] And we're like, what do you mean destroy this?

[00:14:56] And then he's like, we'll just have you stomp it out

[00:14:58] on the ground.

[00:14:59] And we're like, oh my god, they found weed.

[00:15:02] And then they stopped searching the car.

[00:15:03] Usually when you find a little something,

[00:15:05] you're like, oh, we're going to rip everything up, right?

[00:15:07] And we're like, oh my god, this is the wildest shit ever.

[00:15:11] So we're sitting there tripping hard,

[00:15:13] like using our feet, just like kind of stomping

[00:15:14] on the ground, looking at each other,

[00:15:16] like there's this really going on right now.

[00:15:19] So we get done and we're getting ready to walk away

[00:15:21] and they're like, now if we catch it,

[00:15:22] trying to scrape it up, we're going to find some problems.

[00:15:24] And we're like, okay, if we catch it, trying to scrape it up, we're going to find some problems. And we're like, okay, pal.

[00:15:27] And then we just left.

[00:15:28] And I'm like, you got to be shitting me with those explain the context of like the targeted

[00:15:32] stuff against the kids in our high school, like all that building up.

[00:15:37] And it just blew my mind.

[00:15:39] And like at that moment, I was like, dude, Tommy, like you are legit.

[00:15:43] You're good to go to handle all of the stresses

[00:15:45] associated and accompanied with the psychedelic realm.

[00:15:49] Beyond what you're doing internally, right?

[00:15:52] So I'm sitting here being confronted

[00:15:54] with thinking about the parents shit, the cops,

[00:15:58] all the implications that are gonna go on there.

[00:15:59] I'm just basically just sitting there stoic.

[00:16:01] Like, yeah, here we go.

[00:16:04] So that was how I lost my virginity to psychedelics.

[00:16:08] And boy, man, I kept running with it from then on too.

[00:16:13] I've had a blast and it's been a very beautiful relationship.

[00:16:17] And, and I love where I'm going at with it.

[00:16:20] Now it's with much more targeted precision.

[00:16:22] And through these things, you know, I've developed a lot of tremendous beliefs about my connection to universe and God, you know, and I don't believe

[00:16:31] in God being like the rigid thing that we find in, you know, in religious texts. I think God's

[00:16:37] even beyond what we understand in our group is so complex we'll never fully get to comprehend it,

[00:16:42] right? But we know that it is creation. It isn't

[00:16:45] us and everything. And when I find the more you work with it and communicate with it, the more

[00:16:50] communicates back, you know, it's a beautiful thing. And I've used psychedelics from that point on,

[00:16:56] you know, to enhance and enrich my life big time, but also to treat other forms of my depression,

[00:17:02] you know, and like really curious and knock

[00:17:05] it out of the park, even when I've had like specific, very specific problems, I would

[00:17:10] go and ingest, you know, quite a bit of like very powerful LSD and I would just sit alone

[00:17:15] in my house and be like, all right, what's the worst thing that could happen?

[00:17:18] I don't encourage that for the average person, but I'm like, I'm going to calculate every

[00:17:22] worst thing that could happen and then come up with the solution to those problems and get rid of those out of my life.

[00:17:28] And it's worked like a chumpt for me, like truly.

[00:17:31] And when we think about the term medicine, right, so medicine in the dictionary, something

[00:17:38] loosely along the lines to treat disease and prevent disease, right?

[00:17:41] But so what is disease? Disease is like a disruption of your functionality

[00:17:48] with certain symptoms as being a human.

[00:17:50] Like, you know, I'm paraphrasing, of course,

[00:17:52] but if we shift what we apply the word disease to

[00:17:57] and we're talking about disrupting your function,

[00:17:58] what if your dysfunction that is going on

[00:18:01] is the inability of you to have a good time

[00:18:04] to engage in fun

[00:18:06] or something like that, right?

[00:18:07] So I believe, yes, the ceremonial space, amazing.

[00:18:10] But I also believe that we can move ceremony around

[00:18:14] and we can topically treat things

[00:18:16] when adequately dose with the right guide around you, you know?

[00:18:19] And when we start applying the scope of disease,

[00:18:23] like let's think about another disruption of our function. What's disrupting us sometimes is hunger and thirst. And so if you're sick,

[00:18:30] why wouldn't you choose the best medicine? So therefore it's like the best content to consume,

[00:18:35] you know, and that type of shift in my perspective drastically increased over the summer with doing

[00:18:41] some private ceremonies with my S. Row Christian.

[00:18:46] And that just every ceremony I do

[00:18:49] between Hamilton and Christian,

[00:18:52] it just keeps expanding so much more awareness

[00:18:56] in the most beautiful way.

[00:18:57] And it's like the most tremendous snowball effect.

[00:19:01] And I'm so passionately invested into this

[00:19:05] that I know forever, forever this is a part of my life.

[00:19:10] And I love that we are connected to you and I

[00:19:13] with our community and with what I consider

[00:19:16] the best resources available to guide us

[00:19:18] in hone and sharpen our skills.

[00:19:20] I mean, I personally experienced

[00:19:22] what I'd consider maximum healing through them. I went through this periodized reference of my father died under the craziest circumstances.

[00:19:29] I was also in a vacuum we from Hurricane Ida while being in an evacuee.

[00:19:35] I was hired as a beverage director for a company.

[00:19:38] So I'm remotely developing a high volume, like multi-million dollar bar in the French

[00:19:42] quarter.

[00:19:43] Now at the same time, my wife is like

[00:19:46] secretly cheating on me and I've been together with her for like eight years and I'm like oh

[00:19:50] like I don't see through this shit and I had all these things that were very close to me as a part

[00:19:56] of my identity and my purpose for doing things and I lost them all basically at the same time and

[00:20:01] I found myself very much so fucking over this shit,

[00:20:05] you know, like living, I mean.

[00:20:06] And I had this beautiful relationship with my mother,

[00:20:10] and she hadn't heard from me for a while,

[00:20:11] and this was the summer of last year.

[00:20:14] And so I don't even wanna pick up the phone,

[00:20:16] and you know, we're so transparent.

[00:20:18] I've gotten like,

[00:20:20] coat from her sister down in front of her,

[00:20:22] she's seen me do ketamine.

[00:20:23] We talk about everything, we don't hide anything, it's great. Of course we get in fights sometimes, our family, but

[00:20:29] not having any of those barriers, it just relieves so much more. And I like to always live my life

[00:20:34] as the example of that, you can do these things and still be a great person and not

[00:20:40] be detrimental to society. I'm not hurting myself or anybody else. I'm doing things responsibly.

[00:20:46] The exception to the rule, perhaps, you know?

[00:20:49] So she's calling me and all I say is like, hello?

[00:20:53] She's like, oh my God, what's going on with you?

[00:20:55] And she's got insane intuition.

[00:20:58] She several years ago, she called me from the Caribbean

[00:21:02] and I'm getting right to go to work.

[00:21:03] She goes, hey, I think my sister's dead. Can you go check on her?

[00:21:06] Guess what? I rolled her her house. The sister's house sure shit. She's dead.

[00:21:12] And through those types of things

[00:21:14] this is how she decided to find Hamilton

[00:21:18] because she wanted to make sense of her spirituality and the strong intuition. She's always been the matriarch of her family.

[00:21:23] She's the only person I know that has a similar childhood to me,

[00:21:28] but it's like 10 fold as far as intensities go.

[00:21:30] So yeah, when she heard about what was going on in my life,

[00:21:35] she's like, well, if you quit your job because everything was so terrible,

[00:21:38] and you're done with your dad and shit's terrible with your marriage.

[00:21:41] She's like, just come home right now, bring your dog,

[00:21:43] they go home and she's like, you know what we have to do? I'm like, what? I'm like, come home right now, bring your dog. They go home.

[00:21:45] And she's like, you know what we have to do?

[00:21:46] I'm like, what?

[00:21:47] I'm like, I know what she's gonna say.

[00:21:48] She's like, we have to do ayahuasca.

[00:21:50] I was like, cool.

[00:21:51] I'm like, I, you know what?

[00:21:52] If I'm really thinking about this,

[00:21:53] like, or thinking about ending everything,

[00:21:56] you still try something else, you know what I mean?

[00:21:59] Like, and your mom's gonna pay for the trip.

[00:22:01] Fuck yeah.

[00:22:02] So what was else was really wild was the next day

[00:22:04] one of my best friends ever hits me up.

[00:22:07] He's going through a rough patch.

[00:22:09] This is a different guy from the original story

[00:22:11] or the one about the cops.

[00:22:12] And he's like, hey, man, do you feel like going down a prue

[00:22:16] and trying to ayahuasca?

[00:22:18] He's like going through some shit.

[00:22:19] And I'm like, that's so weird

[00:22:20] because we just booked the trip already.

[00:22:23] And the way that things unfolded was that my mother couldn't go.

[00:22:28] So we just had my buddy Harvey take her spot.

[00:22:31] We gifted it to him and I arrange a really beautiful trip.

[00:22:34] Now a couple months before I went down,

[00:22:38] I had a very, very fascinating dream.

[00:22:41] And so my dream state has been,

[00:22:43] so I was approximately six or seven years old like lucid and clear

[00:22:47] I remember my like this nightmare I had where

[00:22:50] It's like Harry Connick Jr. is trying to kill me while I'm cutting my grass in my front yard the movie like

[00:22:55] Copycat, I guess I saw it my parents let me watch anything at what it was a child like hey

[00:22:59] Yeah, just sit here. It's only gonna scar you maybe or make you tougher

[00:23:02] So sit here cutting the grass at my trailer park

[00:23:05] Dad's gonna be mad if I don't cut the grass

[00:23:07] Oh look Harry Connick Jr. is coming at me the fucking knife to fucking you know kill me now

[00:23:11] I was just like no like no like I got so much shit going on not today

[00:23:16] blew him off and then I had very many

[00:23:20] really really beautiful and saying

[00:23:22] Dreams since then like it truly is an architect designing things.

[00:23:26] I mean, like I met my wife in a dream

[00:23:28] before I ever met her before and she told me,

[00:23:30] well we have sacred,

[00:23:31] this is not some fantasy fucking thing.

[00:23:34] And I met other people,

[00:23:35] I met Christian, my true Christian in my dreams

[00:23:37] before we ever connected in person.

[00:23:39] And so, you know, you get the idea

[00:23:40] about these things now a little bit.

[00:23:41] So a couple months before I went to the Blue Morpho retreat, I dreamt that I was already there at the lodge, hanging out by the river

[00:23:49] on one of their little picnic tables. And I'm hanging out with this woman. She passes

[00:23:53] me a little cup, drink it. And she's just like talking to me about experiences, what

[00:23:59] we're going to do. And the drink tasted just like mezcal, you know. And so I'm like, huh, like, is this, this is ayahuasca?

[00:24:06] Like it's kind of crazy.

[00:24:07] It tastes so much like Mescau.

[00:24:08] She's like, no, no, no, no.

[00:24:09] She's like, this is something to prepare you for I.

[00:24:12] And so I'm chatting with her.

[00:24:13] And I see in the night sky, just like digital ancient script,

[00:24:17] like kind of like Red Alarm Clock font,

[00:24:18] but just some language I can't discern.

[00:24:20] It was very weird.

[00:24:21] And then so later in the dream, actually, I ingest ayahuasca.

[00:24:24] And I'm at the Blue Morphel Lodge.

[00:24:26] And I'm like, get out of town. I'm like, that's what this is.

[00:24:30] I'm like, this is great. And so I had to, I got to carry that with me

[00:24:35] when I went down there. And so like my very first night was like,

[00:24:38] Tommy, dude, you already already done this. You're good to go.

[00:24:41] And so I slammed it down and man, like my first four nights

[00:24:45] there are the first four ceremonies I did. All I had was like yawned as far as my purging

[00:24:50] was go. I only puked one time and that was actually back in my room with my buddy Harvey

[00:24:55] who came with me. And I had some like medicated cream that I got there from a pharmacy. He's

[00:24:59] like, oh, is this your cream? I'm like, yeah, dog, putting on my face. And then approximately

[00:25:04] 10, 15 minutes later, I guess, you know, it's in, dog, putting on my face. And then approximately 10, 15 minutes later,

[00:25:05] I guess, you know, it's in, it's running through my, my system. And it was just like,

[00:25:09] involuntary, like, I'm going to Pearl and sure as shit, it came out, that was like the medicine

[00:25:16] being like, ah, dumbass, like, I told you not to take anything, you know, but didn't. And so,

[00:25:26] with all that terrible depression, I was telling you about within the very first night, all that was gone. In fact,

[00:25:33] we went through this list of intentions, right, or build your intentions. So my intentions were

[00:25:37] for understanding my connection to culture and civilization, my lineage. I want to understand

[00:25:42] things about my path. I want to understand things about my path. I want to understand things about my

[00:25:49] Emotional state that was going on and things about my relationship. So while

[00:25:53] Fortunately while I was being cheated on I was being gaslit the whole time about my

[00:25:55] suspicions That's really fun, right? Of course, right, you know, but like it's like dude look at me

[00:25:59] I'm laughing today about this shit. Life's hilarious, you know, it made me stronger, you know

[00:26:03] And I learned about taking ownership of these things and other realms about allowing things into my life that influenced

[00:26:09] me. That was me really. But so how it started was, I slammed Aya. And first off, I mean,

[00:26:18] have you even just said Aya was good, right?

[00:26:21] I haven't, actually.

[00:26:22] Oh, wow. But you're very aware of the flavor being intense, right? I have it actually. Oh, wow. So you're very aware of the flavor being intense, right?

[00:26:27] So my background is heavily so in craft cocktails. That's what I was doing since like 2016. And I

[00:26:33] started very high volume Washington DC doing everything from scratch, running like a prep program.

[00:26:38] Every single time I've been in and forms of bartending world, whether it's been a director or bartender, whatever. I very heavily flavor profiles

[00:26:47] and my creative side of me really focused

[00:26:50] on the cocktail craft of creation.

[00:26:52] So I drank this and I was just like,

[00:26:54] I can make this taste good in the cocktail guarantee.

[00:26:56] I'm like, all this needs like,

[00:26:57] it needs a little bit of pineapple in here,

[00:26:59] it's a good powerful rum, a little bit of lime,

[00:27:01] some orchop to almond syrup, I'm like,

[00:27:03] we'll be good to go.

[00:27:04] First thoughts, that I sit down and within about like 15 minutes,

[00:27:09] you know, your body really start radiate different temperatures.

[00:27:12] You're feeling like vibrations like, like your body's like recalibrating to receive everything.

[00:27:18] And so then I'm like kind of in this plant realm.

[00:27:22] This is usually what I first kind of encounter is like this like plant world

[00:27:25] of spirits that are very vegetative and a little bit flowy and like what's up man.

[00:27:30] What do you want to do? What's your speed? Nice to meet you. It's kind of mischievous a little bit.

[00:27:35] I'm like all right we're gonna vibe. I get this. And then there's like these other spirits that

[00:27:39] kind of like doing some like doctor work on me like kind of probing a little bit. They're like

[00:27:43] okay cool we see what's going on with you. We're gonna get you through this we're gonna get you through this dog

[00:27:47] And then you like see mama I have briefly oh wow there she is beautiful

[00:27:52] And so you know your brain is hyper your hyper lucid in your thought

[00:27:57] is in fact, I think your brain is you know, it's working faster than ever and so the next thing I know is like I have the

[00:28:03] Spectator view and I'm looking down

[00:28:06] thriving Incan civilization and I'm like

[00:28:11] Next thing I know I'm like seeing like stuff in like Central America, you know, perhaps Aztec Mayan stuff

[00:28:16] I'm just like the fucking my seeing this where I was like dude you asked about your connection to civilization

[00:28:22] And then I started seeing these things

[00:28:25] Going on like living thriving cultures like in North America too.

[00:28:28] I'm like, this is great, this is amazing.

[00:28:29] I'm deeply passionate about history.

[00:28:32] And so this continues on to a progression

[00:28:37] of shamanic ceremonies throughout time

[00:28:40] and throughout all the Americas.

[00:28:41] And then it ended in Siberia. And afterwards, you know,

[00:28:48] I'm sitting in a rocking chair, by the way. So at Blue Morfo, there's like mostly mats on the ground.

[00:28:53] And then there's like this giant circular like circular lodge. And there's like bathrooms on

[00:28:57] the outside showers if you need. And there's kind of like a front stage for Hamilton that other

[00:29:01] people will sit at. And my mom's like, you're going to love the rocking chair better. I'm like my mom knows me. I'm definitely gonna sit

[00:29:06] in the rocking chair. I'm glad I did. So I'm sitting in this rocking chair and then

[00:29:10] like in my eyes closed in the dark and then I see like this very tremendous

[00:29:15] massive spirit of like a shaman. Like I'm saying he's like stories tall and he's

[00:29:21] like outlined kind of like how you would like a constellation like you know

[00:29:24] blue light blue and he's got like a of like how you would like a constellation, like, you know, blue, light blue. And he's got like, oh, horn and dudes, muscular, muscular and shit.

[00:29:30] And the vibe was very much so to me was like, welcome to the fucking show. And so I'm sitting

[00:29:35] there, just like grinning so hard. I'm just like, I'm like, man, I would be happy if I

[00:29:42] was in this state of altered consciousness for eternity.

[00:29:45] I was very comfortable in this.

[00:29:47] And then the next thing I got to see was like a newbie's three quarter turn to me.

[00:29:52] And he's like so far deep in outer space, like the deepest I could bat him.

[00:29:56] And he's outlined in like neon rapid changing color.

[00:30:00] He's got halo.

[00:30:01] And I'm just like, I knew all this shit was real in my heart, you know?

[00:30:04] And I was provided like concrete evidence about real in my heart, you know? And I was provide like concrete evidence

[00:30:06] about just other extra things, you know?

[00:30:09] And then I got to learn about my emotions.

[00:30:12] This is really fascinating to me.

[00:30:14] So I was always being like,

[00:30:16] totally I have always anger problems.

[00:30:17] But you know, I was justifiably angry

[00:30:20] with a lot of things that were going in my life.

[00:30:21] You know, I had my career job to be real.

[00:30:25] They screwed me pretty hard, but I still love them

[00:30:27] as like an entity and I decided to separate,

[00:30:30] or separate myself because I wanted to preserve

[00:30:33] what friendship I have with them, you know?

[00:30:35] And, you know, I had my wife with all that stuff going on

[00:30:38] and my father just died in complicated circumstances,

[00:30:40] you know, and then when you're being gaslit and put

[00:30:42] in this corner and being constantly told you're wrong,

[00:30:44] and mind you also, my wife hadn't worked for

[00:30:47] three years.

[00:30:48] So that's me working like 60, 70 hours a week paying for everything.

[00:30:51] So yeah, I'm fucking pissed, you know, but I wouldn't understand more about my anger.

[00:30:57] So what was revealed to me, it was a disruption of my confidence that was leading to anger,

[00:31:03] you know, and so to break that down a little bit more clearly,

[00:31:06] you know, it's like, so think about this, you know,

[00:31:08] let's say that you and I were walking down a sidewalk

[00:31:11] together, easy enough to ask.

[00:31:13] But let's say the edge of the sidewalk is suddenly

[00:31:16] just a clip that drops for like 10 miles, right?

[00:31:18] Let's say it's like that on both sides of the sidewalk.

[00:31:21] Suddenly we're like kind of quivering a little bit,

[00:31:23] like, ooh, this is tough, but why? We're just as capable of walking on that sidewalk,

[00:31:27] you know? It was just because there's like this fear that's disrupting our confidence. And when

[00:31:32] I started to realize was like, I was scared of losing my trophy life, you know what I mean?

[00:31:36] Like, I was scared of being wrong about something. I was scared about making the wrong decision.

[00:31:40] And so I dropped all that shit, man. And then what I started to understand about my relationship

[00:31:45] was that I was shown that my wife and I,

[00:31:47] we were like an interwoven kind of double helix growing tree,

[00:31:51] bearing fruit and a beautiful sunset.

[00:31:53] And it was told to me that we've always been together,

[00:31:56] like past life shit, and we'll always be together.

[00:31:58] And so what I realized is like,

[00:31:59] it's okay for me to let go.

[00:32:01] And that we're just done in this time, you know?

[00:32:04] And that was my first day.

[00:32:05] And then I was like, wow, I think I just fixed everything in my life in day one.

[00:32:09] I still got three more nights.

[00:32:11] And I remember just over here in the next day at breakfast, somebody's like, fuck me.

[00:32:16] I can't believe we got three more days in my mind.

[00:32:19] I'm like, we only got three more days.

[00:32:20] But yeah, it's fascinating. And through all this stuff, though, you know, I have so

[00:32:29] much gratitude and infinite love for Hamilton and all the family of Blue Morfo too, because

[00:32:34] like Hamilton is the truth and the guide, right? But he also has like the people that

[00:32:39] live and stay with him, they're also an infinite wealth of knowledge. And what I find so great

[00:32:43] about the Blue Morfo community when you're there in person is that you're working together

[00:32:48] learning with like also like the new team of people that show up. Plus you have the other

[00:32:52] people there that are hanging out with you nonstop. And so it's just like this continuous like

[00:32:56] volley of like great conversation, encouraging of people, sharing your understanding and your

[00:33:01] wisdom. Because also when you teach, you learn so much more too it just goes back and forth and when we're all working

[00:33:07] together paddling in the same direction on that canoe that's a super fun ride

[00:33:11] you know and then you're experiencing the best healing you could ever get in

[00:33:15] your entire life man.

[00:33:18] Amazing.

[00:33:19] Yeah.

[00:33:20] Plus just the coolest shit ever seriously like I guess one of my philosophies and

[00:33:24] viewpoints is like,

[00:33:25] we're doing serious work, right?

[00:33:27] But there's no reason serious work can't be seriously fun.

[00:33:31] And for me, I'm always like, let's turn on that fun,

[00:33:33] turn off that fear, enjoy this ride.

[00:33:36] You know, even in real life, I just, I can't help but laugh

[00:33:39] at like really absurd, like crazy things.

[00:33:41] And like, of course that happened.

[00:33:42] I like how to mental note to God.

[00:33:44] I'm like, of course that happened. I like how to mental note to God. I'm like, fuck yeah, God.

[00:33:46] Like exactly.

[00:33:47] If thanks universe, cool.

[00:33:51] I got to ask how how similar was your first ayahuasca experience

[00:33:56] to the ayahuasca experience that you had in your dream?

[00:34:00] Oh, wow.

[00:34:00] So in the dream, it was me open eye walking around.

[00:34:05] And actually what was really crazy was I encountered my ex-girlfriend from like high

[00:34:10] school and college. It was wild. And it wasn't like anything weird.

[00:34:13] I was just like her, her and her family helped cultivate and turn means one of the

[00:34:17] best versions of myself in development. So they're always dear in my heart.

[00:34:21] Actually, I saw her recently, I think September, you know, which school we had a good,

[00:34:25] we're good friends. It's a good thing.

[00:34:26] It's a beautiful thing.

[00:34:27] So I ran into her while I was, you know,

[00:34:30] experiencing the eye, wasking the dream.

[00:34:31] But honestly, the experience was very much so like,

[00:34:34] eyes open, smoking, DMT outside.

[00:34:36] That was for me what it was like the types of textures,

[00:34:38] even the body sensations.

[00:34:40] And in my dreams, like, I absolutely taste, I smell,

[00:34:44] I hear like, I get full sensory.

[00:34:47] I feel like critique a cocktail bar one time, my dreams, I like drinking it and growing

[00:34:51] and like, oh my God, this is way too much sweet vermouth.

[00:34:54] Put it back.

[00:34:55] So like I'm, I'm pretty much there, man.

[00:34:57] And the dream state during my diata while I was here was absolutely profound to every

[00:35:02] single day. Even last night, the part of the

[00:35:07] Dieta is, I guess you may do a little rundown since maybe some of us are familiar a little

[00:35:12] bit. Sure. So a part of our shamanic practices to build this community with the plants and

[00:35:20] their spirits is we go through a purification process. So physically, we're doing a detox.

[00:35:27] And what we're doing is we're allowing to get rid of

[00:35:29] anything that's gonna be between us and these plants.

[00:35:32] So for me, I kind of perceive this union as like,

[00:35:35] let's say me and you are at a party, right?

[00:35:37] It's gonna be harder for us to connect on this level.

[00:35:39] So what's in my opinion,

[00:35:41] I wanna have like limited amount of plants in me

[00:35:44] during that time. So we can have this clear direct line of really getting to know each other, right?

[00:35:49] So basically what you're going to do is you're going to only eat a very limited amount of

[00:35:53] food every day for how long you decide to do your diet.

[00:35:57] To traditionally, I think it's usually going to be around nine days sometimes, more sometimes

[00:36:00] a little less.

[00:36:02] And so you'll make a tea out of whatever plants, and there's

[00:36:05] sacred plants that we do this with. And I believe there's like seven of them done in Peru, but you

[00:36:10] can do it with any plant. Everything has spirit to it. I chose to use one sacred teacher plant,

[00:36:14] Mapacho, which is a variety and species of tobacco down in Peru, which I brought back with me from

[00:36:20] my last trip. And then I harvested a bit of this oak tree that's hundreds of years old that

[00:36:26] I meditate with frequently in New Orleans, which is really fascinating. So over this nine-day

[00:36:32] stretch, it's a Europe-stating sex masturbation, no salt, no sugar, no drinking drugs. And I chose

[00:36:39] to take a pretty extreme route, three-day water, then I have six days of only having breakfast and lunch,

[00:36:45] which was just hard or soft boiled eggs,

[00:36:48] you know, no spices, anything with rice.

[00:36:50] And then the lunch was chicken thighs and rice.

[00:36:52] And so the first two days, great.

[00:36:55] Day three, you're kind of like,

[00:36:56] oh man, this water fast, I don't know.

[00:37:00] Like I really don't know.

[00:37:02] And so what's going on is you're aligning your subconscious with your conscious and

[00:37:07] that really comes to play in your dream statement.

[00:37:10] And so the spirits inside of you of the plants that you're going through with this, they're

[00:37:14] working with you, you're finding out your strengths, you're finding out your weaknesses

[00:37:17] and we're working on them.

[00:37:18] And then this is how we kind of figure out a little bit what intentions we're going to

[00:37:22] ask these spirits to help us navigate with our lives, you know. But you're essentially confronted with subtle and profound challenges

[00:37:30] along the way. I mean, it could be physical manifestations in your life, things that could

[00:37:33] trigger you. But the dream state for me was like the top notch thing that was going down.

[00:37:39] So I remember that like I actually got to confront and interact with my ex.

[00:37:47] I mean, we're still technically married. We're going through divorce. But what was wild was,

[00:37:50] I didn't realize it was going to be a five year anniversary. I was here.

[00:37:54] I also didn't realize that when I wrapped up my nine day Dieta on the 10th day,

[00:37:57] we were doing ceremonies virtually with Hamilton. I'm like, wow, star is really lining up.

[00:38:02] But what really tripped me out though was it was like

[00:38:05] the energies and the spirits of the plants

[00:38:07] allowed me a platform in my dream state

[00:38:10] to just say the last things I need to say.

[00:38:12] And now I felt like the best ever regarding peace

[00:38:15] about everything.

[00:38:16] There was like things I didn't realize that were still

[00:38:18] left like just like hiding out in corners of like my,

[00:38:20] my psyche and I got to dig those out.

[00:38:22] But like, man, you you know fun challenge was though my second day

[00:38:27] I found myself in my dream state in the most elaborate wild strip club I've ever seen in my

[00:38:33] life and it was ran by a cartel and I'm just like oh boy and this is me like getting my my

[00:38:39] consciousness being like all right this is hmm and then was like, all right, we gotta get out of here,

[00:38:45] but because you wanna preserve yourself

[00:38:47] because it's about purity the whole way through.

[00:38:49] But I just remember exiting and I was just like, man,

[00:38:52] whenever this diata's done, I might be back here. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha But yeah, so I wrapped that up and things are beautiful and I'm very passionate about

[00:39:06] where life's going, you know, and like I was explaining all those difficult things they

[00:39:11] went through, right?

[00:39:12] So I survived this, right?

[00:39:13] And I try to up Dobero.

[00:39:15] And after I came back from that first ayahuasca retreat, this is when the concrete evidence

[00:39:19] came out regarding my wife.

[00:39:21] And without all the tools and wisdom, I wouldn't have been able to handle it with so much

[00:39:26] maturity. In fact, I was in this home when I found out about

[00:39:29] everything. And I've been a heavy drinker since I was like

[00:39:33] early teens. Now, my relationship with alcohol was never

[00:39:36] dependent base. I just really love enhancing life, so to

[00:39:39] speak. And I mean, I used to drink enough to probably kill a

[00:39:42] couple people if they try to keep up with me like real talk

[00:39:45] It was in my body, but when I stopped drinking

[00:39:47] I never felt like I'll have a piece of shit if I don't have alcohol in my system type thing, you know, but so

[00:39:53] When I found out I got I drank with my brother

[00:39:55] Just as like a sense of like bonding and then after that I chose not to drink for a month and a half

[00:40:00] I was like I'm going to confront these issues with grace and And then I chose to go back home and I'm like,

[00:40:06] we're gonna sit right here, we're gonna do the work,

[00:40:09] and we're gonna get through this.

[00:40:10] And I've been a very intense partier for my whole life man.

[00:40:16] And so it's really cool to see my progress.

[00:40:18] I'm really proud of myself since June 22nd,

[00:40:22] I basically have cut out everything out of my life

[00:40:24] that was routine and I've

[00:40:26] dropped perhaps maybe like 45 pounds, man.

[00:40:29] Feeling good, feeling happy.

[00:40:31] And Hamilton talks about this notion of it's not saying no, it's saying yes.

[00:40:36] And so it's like me saying yes to, it's me saying hell yes actually to everything that's

[00:40:41] amazing in life.

[00:40:42] And what this practice does has been yielding for me

[00:40:45] the most amazing results.

[00:40:47] And the other thing I wanted to include was that,

[00:40:50] like, you know, so all those crazy things that were happening,

[00:40:53] I was like, why the fuck is this happening?

[00:40:54] And then suddenly I realized this was life clearing out

[00:40:58] all the bullshit that was standing in between me

[00:41:01] and what I'm about to receive.

[00:41:03] And since then, man, like I immediately when I switched that perspective, I got invited to go to Patagonia

[00:41:08] for a work trip to go hiking deep in nature on a 12,000 year old trail for work. Who the hell

[00:41:14] gets invited to do that for work? And now I'm getting ready to run and operate. A company I've

[00:41:20] always looked up to, it just suddenly presented itself. I was feeling hurt and lost about

[00:41:29] Certain areas. I thought my career was going towards that I was getting shut out of for no reason

[00:41:35] Apparently and that was another thing realizing that like this was life. You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

[00:41:37] This right here is coming for you

[00:41:44] And yeah, this guy announced for his company that he's gonna retire And if he doesn't find the right buyer done forever.

[00:41:46] And I'm like, this is a 10 minute old toast.

[00:41:48] I'm like, you know, my phone like, Hey, I'd be interested.

[00:41:51] Next thing I know we're DMing next thing I know or an email.

[00:41:54] Next thing I know I got an attorney next thing I know I'm on zoom.

[00:41:56] Next thing I know he says, you're the guy I want to sell to.

[00:41:58] And so I've been wrapping that deal up here.

[00:42:00] And it's a it's a company that makes tools for craft

[00:42:06] bartending and it's deeply embedded in esotericism and

[00:42:09] imagery. And so with me practicing all this shamanic stuff

[00:42:14] on the side, I'm thrilled about putting my very real positive

[00:42:19] intentions into these tools that bartenders are going to use.

[00:42:22] So it's like me putting light and positiveness

[00:42:26] into a field that's extremely dark

[00:42:28] with like a really good message.

[00:42:29] So whether they know it or not,

[00:42:31] when all the liquid's pouring through these tools,

[00:42:33] you're getting some of me there

[00:42:35] that's going to be a really positive vibe, you know?

[00:42:37] And I'm living in a cocktail capital of the world.

[00:42:41] And so yeah, I'm just through it.

[00:42:43] It's like my past is coming together in a really cool way because I used to make

[00:42:47] jewelry back in the day. So I'm like, jewelry is beverage scene.

[00:42:51] My life is clean of all this bullshit. I'm the happiest I've

[00:42:54] ever been. It's wonderful. It's a blessing for real.

[00:42:59] Yeah, man, these tools are amazing technologies for healing.

[00:43:03] And I mean, not just healing in the traditional sense that we define it as in like a, you

[00:43:08] know, a first world country.

[00:43:09] I mean, there's healing in every single type of way, physical, mental, psychological,

[00:43:14] all of it.

[00:43:15] It's amazing, man.

[00:43:16] And you bring up the ceremonies that we had.

[00:43:20] So as part of the Blue Morpho Academy, Hamilton, our instructor, he hosted two, I don't know

[00:43:28] if there's going to be a third.

[00:43:30] I really hope there's going to be a third.

[00:43:31] I hope so.

[00:43:32] They were amazing.

[00:43:34] He hosted these ceremonies where the very first one, they were two so far.

[00:43:39] So the first one, he hosted the night of an ayahuasca ceremony.

[00:43:43] So we were virtually brought into a live ayahuasca ceremony.

[00:43:48] And I mean, you're hearing people vomit in the back

[00:43:50] and his echos are just slapping.

[00:43:52] And I mean, it was amazing.

[00:43:55] Yeah.

[00:43:55] And honestly, it was no, well,

[00:43:58] the differences were not there in person,

[00:44:00] but you're getting the same healing through the technology.

[00:44:02] I mean, the one that we just did on Sunday, at the end of it,

[00:44:07] I had like a very tremendous like deep guttural purge.

[00:44:10] And I'm like radiating all this heat.

[00:44:12] I'm like listening to it on my speaker, like on the bathroom.

[00:44:15] Like, Oh man, I can't wait for this to get out of me.

[00:44:17] Hell yeah.

[00:44:21] So what, what did you consume for the first one and the second one? So for me, I took, I took two and a half grams of mushrooms for the first one and the second one?

[00:44:25] So for me, I took two and a half grams of mushrooms for the first one.

[00:44:30] And then the second one, I took just a tiny little bit of psilocybin and then, and I vaporized

[00:44:36] moon rocks.

[00:44:37] Oh nice.

[00:44:38] It was amazing dude.

[00:44:39] I mean, I wasn't expecting it to be as strong and as powerful as it was, but it worked,

[00:44:44] man. It was great. So, oh man, I got a funny one. You know, I've got expecting it to be as strong and as powerful as it was, but it worked, man. It was great.

[00:44:45] So, um, oh man, I got a funny one. You know, I've got a certain style to me. I'm a little bit wild. I like,

[00:44:52] I realized for a long time ago, like I wasn't competing with anybody with what I was doing except myself.

[00:44:57] I'm like, where we're going, Tommy? Where else can we push these things, you know?

[00:45:00] I mean, I had some fun role models growing up. Like my calling to psychedelics was very much so my father introduced to me like the

[00:45:09] dark side of Oz when I was probably like seven years old.

[00:45:12] He's like, we're going to synchronize, you know, dark side of the moon wizard or

[00:45:16] Oz.

[00:45:17] I'm like, no wonder I'm me dude.

[00:45:18] Like although we had problems, he was very cool with music and culture and stuff like

[00:45:21] that.

[00:45:22] And he put me onto the doors and Pink Floyd and all that stuff when I was like very young.

[00:45:26] So I was already like, I know I'm getting into psychedelics.

[00:45:29] I can't wait for it, right?

[00:45:30] So then Jim Morrison was,

[00:45:33] it was a bit of a role model for me when I was young.

[00:45:35] Cause I'm like, let's see how far we go.

[00:45:36] What is that pursuit of the unknown?

[00:45:38] Like I do want to know, I'm curious.

[00:45:40] I've always been searching and like sometimes

[00:45:41] I tap into shit that's just like truly spiritual.

[00:45:44] Like before I got this honed in

[00:45:46] craft through blue morphoe like just wild but um so the

[00:45:51] the first ceremony

[00:45:54] And I got like this jaguar skull with me like a legit one that I got from a keto's and so anyways

[00:45:59] I think I had like I had three grams of these mushrooms

[00:46:02] They're a thrasher melmax which, which are like, so there's

[00:46:05] penis in these. And then what they noticed was there were certain strains or certain ones that

[00:46:09] we grow that were a little more potent. So those were thrashers. And then they had the melmax. And

[00:46:13] then somebody's like, well, we should just grow those together. It cross-fated to my buddy. He

[00:46:18] was doing those. And so these are very potent, man. So I had those for the first one. And I'm just

[00:46:23] doing all this Academy as well. And so I'm like using the since we were like in this shared

[00:46:28] video, I'm like, yeah, Tommy, you're ridiculous. Why not? So I'm taking this

[00:46:31] Jaguar skull bone and using that as basically my spoon to ingest this

[00:46:35] ketamine. So what I got to experience on that setting was wild, like very good.

[00:46:41] So this is when I would describe, I truly felt maximum healing was during this virtual

[00:46:47] ceremony, which makes it that much more profound. And you know, being able to demonstrate how we can

[00:46:52] connect in these real ways, you know, without having to physically be there in person. So I'm laying

[00:46:56] on my couch and I feel myself like completely melt like in a liquid state with all dimensionality,

[00:47:03] with all the physical stuff that's around me and

[00:47:06] I felt like I was on a stage a shared stage with every bit of existence to watch me cleanse myself

[00:47:12] And then come back and materialize it was the true state of oneness and God consciousness working around it was

[00:47:19] Beautiful very very beautiful man and like for me. I came back and I was like

[00:47:24] I've still got I felt kind of wet on my body.

[00:47:27] Like so with me and my experiences with like ketamine

[00:47:30] is I've been, I've basically had it just as tremendous

[00:47:33] if not sometimes more tremendous

[00:47:35] than what I've experienced with ayahuasca.

[00:47:36] And that's a bold statement to make,

[00:47:38] but I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that,

[00:47:41] you know, I've already had it in my system

[00:47:43] and it works together. So with

[00:47:46] my S-thro Christian, we did a ceremony, we did two ceremonies together at my mother's house,

[00:47:50] and you know, he's just calling on basically all the medicines that have been living inside

[00:47:54] of our bodies. And like in real time, he's like, MDMA on. And I'm like, no way, I'm about to be

[00:48:00] rolling. He's like LSD vision on. I was like, yes, and he goes, ketamine vision on.

[00:48:05] I'm like, oh, okay, cool.

[00:48:07] And they just pull down, and he's like ayahuasca on.

[00:48:11] And so when I work through my personal ceremonies,

[00:48:15] I absolutely always talk to mama ayah all the time.

[00:48:19] And so I think that has a very, very big, significant,

[00:48:23] you know, role into what I'm going through with my ketamine journeys.

[00:48:27] And so with those, I don't like,

[00:48:32] I don't closely foot around that, I go far.

[00:48:34] And so I mean, I'll literally in just a gram at a time

[00:48:38] and my goals are to see where I'm going,

[00:48:41] how far I can go.

[00:48:41] And so I found myself getting back

[00:48:44] into these same dimensions or realms and mapping them out and I'm going, how far I can go. And so I found myself getting back into these same dimensions

[00:48:45] or realms and mapping them out.

[00:48:47] And I'm like encountering the same spirits

[00:48:49] and it was really, really profound.

[00:48:50] And I've had one on ones with God.

[00:48:53] I've had my body like,

[00:48:55] and Toy Story, remember the aliens are in the claw thing?

[00:48:58] I was, I did some camp, get ready to do a ceremony.

[00:49:01] And I'm actually leaning over my coffee table and

[00:49:06] not exactly in a comfortable position and I'm pulled out of my body and I had some concerns

[00:49:12] going on about certain things like in my heart you know somebody I'm like what's going on between

[00:49:17] me and another person type thing and like just really thinking about it and we have a really

[00:49:22] unique beautiful relationship but you know I'm respectful about everything, right? And anyway, so like, God pulls me out of my body.

[00:49:29] I'm on like, in the edge of the universe, just him and his infinite white light, and

[00:49:32] then me just staring off. And you know, I'm just getting blasted by everything. I'm like,

[00:49:35] Whoa, whoa. And the experience was like, no, me, man. Know that everything's okay. You're fine.

[00:49:41] Like, ease your mind. Everything is chill. And then I come back into my state and I'm still in the same position warming over my

[00:49:47] coffee table and you know, Academy is a dissociative.

[00:49:51] So it usually takes a period, maybe like 30 minutes, even sometimes an hour for you to

[00:49:56] regain and like pull back all of your senses, your faculties.

[00:50:00] And I come back to the state immediately with the most hyper-lucid mind with my body feeling the strongest and the best it's ever been.

[00:50:07] And then like to me it was just like a divine interaction out of nowhere, you know?

[00:50:12] So I've got a really fun, beautiful relationship Pedro down there, which I can't wait to try

[00:50:27] a Hamilton San Pedro ceremony. That's got to be magical. But so for here, it was a 7 in the morning

[00:50:34] for me. I just ended 9 days of a strict diet. And so I get up. And so the first thing I eat,

[00:50:41] that was not my Diette regimen, was it was 3.13 grams of first thing I eat that was not my diet of regimen was, uh,

[00:50:45] it was 3.13 grams of these really potent mushrooms that I lemon tech. Oh boy,

[00:50:50] that was, that was quite the morning. I would say, yeah, I am saying it was,

[00:50:55] it was fantastic, but that's a, that's a hell of a way to start, you know,

[00:51:01] I had a blast.

[00:51:03] Yeah, man. Do you lemon tech often?

[00:51:01] I had a blast.

[00:51:03] Yeah, man. Do you lemon tech often?

[00:51:06] So honestly, I got into that.

[00:51:08] Um, doing ceremonies with Christian.

[00:51:10] I was like, why not?

[00:51:11] You know, um, in the past, I just chomped them man.

[00:51:15] Never was a big deal to me.

[00:51:16] I never really got too worried about the flavor and especially the older I've

[00:51:19] gotten like I was explaining like my background in the beverage world.

[00:51:22] It's like we're, we're kind of masochists for really wild flavor profiles.

[00:51:26] Because if you keep tasting the same types of basic things,

[00:51:29] you know, it's like lose its like interesting factors.

[00:51:32] So we're like, oh, what's this obscure bitter, bitter amaro,

[00:51:36] you know, or Italian appertif, you know?

[00:51:39] So for me, I'm like, I've destroyed my palate,

[00:51:41] or at least I've calloused it, so to speak, in a way.

[00:51:44] So like, flavors don't really bother me that much,

[00:51:46] like at all at this point.

[00:51:47] You know, like, oh, that's an interesting note.

[00:51:49] Wow, put that one in the memory bank.

[00:51:51] But yeah, I find lemon techs great though.

[00:51:53] I'll probably always do it.

[00:51:54] What I personally like to do though,

[00:51:56] instead of fresh citrus,

[00:51:57] I have like organic citric acid at home.

[00:52:00] Just mix out of purified water, sprinkle that in there,

[00:52:03] crush it up stir it, let it sit, slam it, good to go.

[00:52:07] Perfect. Yeah. If anybody doesn't know what lemon

[00:52:08] taking is, you essentially inject or you, you pour over, like

[00:52:14] grind it up, find mushrooms, citrus juice, lemon juice. What

[00:52:19] I usually try to do is like get fresh lemons, chop them in half

[00:52:22] and like squeeze them in there as opposed to like just grabbing some orange juice or some lemon juice and supposedly

[00:52:28] it's supposed to, uh, pre convert the psilocybin into solosin, which is actually what's, uh,

[00:52:35] what's causing the hallucinations, quote unquote, and, uh, you know, the psychedelic experience.

[00:52:41] So it's said to, uh, shorten the trip, but trip, but also shorten the onset and in some

[00:52:47] certain some circumstances makes it more powerful. Yeah, I have, I haven't really experienced

[00:52:55] it being more powerful, but I have experienced like the shortening of the come up, the shortening

[00:53:00] of the trip overall. But to me, I mean, it doesn't matter, man. If you ingest the psilocybin mushrooms,

[00:53:05] it's going to be powerful regardless.

[00:53:07] For sure.

[00:53:08] I mean, I remember though, like,

[00:53:10] are we about the same age?

[00:53:11] I'm 34.

[00:53:12] I'm 34.

[00:53:13] Oh, cool.

[00:53:14] We are exactly the same age.

[00:53:15] When's your birthday?

[00:53:16] Actually.

[00:53:17] July 21st.

[00:53:18] OK, cool.

[00:53:19] Was that make you a cancer?

[00:53:20] Yeah.

[00:53:21] Cool.

[00:53:22] I'm going to query it on day after Valentine's Day,

[00:53:24] February 15th. Cool, man. That's awesome. Kindred spirits. I love that stuff. But I'm

[00:53:29] sure well so for me and then on my early interactions with the psychedelic world

[00:53:34] too. I grew up a skater, man. So it's like we were already crazy to begin with,

[00:53:38] you know, what we're gonna push ourselves through. And oh man, I got a million

[00:53:42] stories, but let's keep it a little bit more honed in, you know, unscripted.

[00:53:45] But I don't know if you've ever been around though, it was like when we were younger,

[00:53:48] people were like, oh yeah, let's slam like the orange juice like you're mentioning while

[00:53:51] you're eating the mushrooms to supposedly do enhance it and all that stuff.

[00:53:54] I remember just like, we're even slamming orange soda.

[00:53:56] I was just like, yeah, hell yeah, I think this will do something.

[00:53:59] I'm sure it barely did, you know, other than it just tasted awesome.

[00:54:04] I do find though, there's like in my past,

[00:54:07] at least with ingestion that there's a similar vibe to like if you were to make a mushroom tea

[00:54:11] as far as like onset being shorter and the duration of your trip being shorter, you know, but I guess

[00:54:17] for me, my precaution about tea is that I feel like you could also perhaps damage some stuff. So

[00:54:22] like I'd rather just raw dog it

[00:54:25] or just do the lemon tech, you know?

[00:54:27] I'm with you, man.

[00:54:29] Because yeah, like you said, I mean,

[00:54:31] a lot of times it's suggested that you drink the tea

[00:54:34] and then you eat the mushrooms anyway

[00:54:36] that are at the bottom of the tea

[00:54:37] because you don't want to leave any psilocybin behind.

[00:54:40] And yeah, I'm with you.

[00:54:41] I just eat them, you know, in the beginning,

[00:54:43] I loved the taste. I was like, hell yeah, I like mushrooms.. I just eat them. You know, in the beginning, I loved the taste.

[00:54:46] I was like, hell yeah, I like mushrooms.

[00:54:47] This is good, you know, the taste is fine.

[00:54:49] And then after I started to become a little more experienced

[00:54:53] and started to do some more like really high dose trips,

[00:54:56] the taste in it's, it got unbearable.

[00:54:59] And even now to this day, the taste from mushrooms to me

[00:55:02] is like almost unbearable and I vomit almost every time, but I do not. I haven't vomited from a single ceremony

[00:55:11] that we've done out of our two ceremonies with Hamilton. No vomiting. But before that,

[00:55:16] it's guaranteed. It's like, the way it works for me is elite the mushrooms and almost immediately I'm feeling nauseous, you know, and my mind

[00:55:26] is connected to my stomach biome.

[00:55:29] It must be, you know, they say there's a bunch of neurons in your stomach.

[00:55:32] So I feel like my mind is centered around my nausea and I try to hold that nausea for

[00:55:40] at least 30, 40 minutes because I don't want to lose any of the psilocybin.

[00:55:44] So sure. nausea for at least 30, 40 minutes because I don't want to lose any of the psilocybin. So at a certain point, you know, I mean, during the come up, I'm just so stressed about the

[00:55:50] nausea that I eventually vomit and it's like this beautiful purge.

[00:55:55] I mean, it feels so good.

[00:55:56] I mean, I hate vomiting in general, but it felt it feels amazing.

[00:56:00] And then after the vomit, the trip just becomes beautiful and I I can finally sort of let go of what I was holding onto.

[00:56:07] It feels like.

[00:56:08] Absolutely.

[00:56:08] And I think it's also worth noting the two, right?

[00:56:11] Because there's two distinctions

[00:56:13] between vomiting and purging, right?

[00:56:15] Because one of them is like, we know

[00:56:16] we're getting rid of some blockages,

[00:56:18] whether it's like other physical ailments or some mental stuff

[00:56:21] that's going on, right?

[00:56:22] Because so both of my retreats down

[00:56:25] to Blue Morpher with my night floors.

[00:56:28] Oh, those are the only times that I got nauseous

[00:56:31] just from the taste.

[00:56:33] Now, as we gather a little bit,

[00:56:35] I like to push things a little bit, see where we're going.

[00:56:38] So the recent trip I went on to,

[00:56:40] I'm doing multiple rounds a night,

[00:56:42] like just, I'm doing like bigger cups too. I should see people just their looks on their face when

[00:56:47] we're watching me drink like oh my god that just looks so awful they're like

[00:56:50] well I will see you next year but I'm like now be back don't worry so with

[00:56:55] Hamilton I cracked a joke I didn't even realize that he had a background in

[00:56:59] golf but so it was like my things my third night first retreat down there.

[00:57:05] He had two different varieties.

[00:57:07] He had what he was called the OG, which is like a blend of like 25 different

[00:57:11] plants into the brew of ayahuasca.

[00:57:13] So ayahuasca is the vine, but it's also the name for, you know, the tea, right?

[00:57:17] And they had another one that he called it Ayalite, not because of like diet,

[00:57:20] but because of like light vision.

[00:57:22] And that one was like 10 plants.

[00:57:23] So I had each of those and

[00:57:25] I was like, what's up with an Arnold Palmer? He's like, what? So he's like doing these happen

[00:57:31] halves for me. And so he's like, hell yeah, man. But I remember my, my last night on the first

[00:57:38] retreat, it was, it was the most bad ass thing I've ever experienced in my life hands down.

[00:57:44] But what I was explaining though was like, it was the first time that like,

[00:57:47] I felt something nauseous immediately.

[00:57:49] And I was like, Tommy, this isn't the purge,

[00:57:51] nasha, like this is your body's like, that was gross.

[00:57:54] And I was like, if you, I'm like, if you puke,

[00:57:56] but you got to go back up there and do that same round again,

[00:57:58] I'm like, we're going to hold this together, dog.

[00:58:01] And that was the most beautiful ceremony I've seen in my life.

[00:58:04] And there were certain things that were going on that was there was turbulent settings in the sense

[00:58:07] of like there were still people going through a lot. And I was trying to go as deep as I

[00:58:10] could. And I was finding some distractions. And then I was like really learning to accept

[00:58:15] that we're all one. And they start working on my energies to try to put people at ease.

[00:58:19] And I'm like, Tommy, drop judgment, man. Like we are all one. I'm excited for this person.

[00:58:24] Be helpful and encouraging for that person. You know what I mean? Like we're all in this shit together.

[00:58:28] Once I started doing that, it really, really learning to love myself and accept it. It

[00:58:32] was beautiful. And now this noise is going on. I was just like, man, I wish I just had

[00:58:37] some type of like white noise situation for me to dive deep. And when you know it, it

[00:58:41] starts to rain and starts to rain like intensely and

[00:58:45] suddenly it's like and there's also a lot of smoke going on I was a little bit

[00:58:48] annoyed with that but I was like Tommy you never vocalized with other people

[00:58:51] that the smoking was intense I'm like they're just doing them you can't be

[00:58:53] mad at that man like you allowed this to go but I'm like take ownership of

[00:58:57] responsibility for you signed up for it so it's a lot of learning and maturing

[00:59:00] you know and so the rain just kind of clears everything out. And suddenly I just smell like rich earth just being like just like providing nourishment and it covers up all the

[00:59:11] noise and I'm just like I'm covered in this electrical blanket and I'm just diving deep and when you

[00:59:15] get in this good flow state of breathwork it feels like a jet stream of air is being provided

[00:59:20] directly to you like as if you have just like really powerful like oxygen

[00:59:25] tubes coming to you and it's just like you feel a life force it's fantastic so anyways

[00:59:32] it gets so loud you can barely hear anything at all you can't even hear Hamilton and

[00:59:37] he just yells across the room and it's starting to storm thunder gods hold the space and then it's just like lightning crashes boom and I was like

[00:59:48] this guy's working with nature. What? And I'm like this is the most badass concert of my life.

[00:59:55] So are sitting there and then like things start to calm down and so before the ceremony we

[01:00:01] established that we're gonna go at a faster pace. He's like, okay, more E-crows, yeah,

[01:00:06] we're gonna do this shit.

[01:00:06] So it's like everything's rapid fire.

[01:00:08] I'm like, yes, yes, do it faster.

[01:00:10] Let's go, let's go, let's go.

[01:00:12] And so I remember he was like,

[01:00:13] the conditions kind of calmed down.

[01:00:15] And then he goes, nature, this volume for this long.

[01:00:19] And I'm like, holy shit, he is my stroke of this,

[01:00:22] but everything else going on.

[01:00:24] Like this put like, I mean put like, I already respected this man

[01:00:28] so much from the second of my first ceremony to this.

[01:00:31] I'm like, oh my God, infinite possibilities, truly.

[01:00:34] And I always had a very strong, beautiful connection

[01:00:38] with nature, my whole life I couldn't explain

[01:00:40] and now to see it really being like

[01:00:43] in a beautiful artistry being worked with too.

[01:00:45] It was fascinating, it was mind-blowing and he called on for us to be healed and

[01:00:53] everything we didn't know that we needed to be healed and everything we truly did.

[01:00:57] And what I didn't share with you guys yet though is that since I was approximately 13 or 14,

[01:01:02] I've also suffered from cluster headaches. Now, cluster headaches colloquially

[01:01:06] were referred to as a suicide headache.

[01:01:08] You know why?

[01:01:09] Because people would hurl themselves off of buildings

[01:01:11] because they were so bad.

[01:01:13] Women who have gone through child labor,

[01:01:16] without any pain management,

[01:01:18] who also suffer from cluster headaches

[01:01:20] consistently and unanimously agreed

[01:01:22] that the headaches worse than that.

[01:01:23] So they're called clusters because they'll happen every day in a rhythmic pattern. Like so

[01:01:28] the theory is that there's something to do with an irregularity with your

[01:01:32] hypothalamus. So imagine having an alarm clock every day providing you with the

[01:01:35] worst type of pain ever that will make you pass out. Now in the ceremony you

[01:01:41] know this was one of my big intentions. I get surrounded by these ethereal beings.

[01:01:46] These were like white, bright, kind of alien-like figures that was also angelic.

[01:01:53] And they're just performing surgery.

[01:01:55] I had some damages to my arms from like years of like chronic bartending, shaking a bunch

[01:01:59] of tens, working really hard, jolting stuff.

[01:02:01] And they just open up my arms and they reconfigure all the muscle tissue

[01:02:05] and it felt amazing.

[01:02:08] And then they come up to the top and they lift my cranium.

[01:02:11] I'm just sitting here just like watching like,

[01:02:12] oh, hey, angels, aliens, thank you.

[01:02:16] And they're reassembling all this shit in my brain.

[01:02:19] And they put it back together, man.

[01:02:20] It was beyond fascinating.

[01:02:23] And I knew that I was good to go.

[01:02:24] Now, I did screw up after this

[01:02:27] first retreat. I didn't respect the protocol for decompression and letting

[01:02:33] the medicine absorb. And so what's very critical about this, though, is your

[01:02:38] prep when you go into it is like, you know, you're getting off of like eating

[01:02:41] red meat, support, drugs, sex, that purity really matters.

[01:02:46] And then the afterwards actually matters more.

[01:02:49] And so I started drinking like a day or two after that,

[01:02:53] and I had some fun.

[01:02:54] And then when you know it around this last spring,

[01:02:58] the headaches came back like worse than ever.

[01:03:00] And I was exploring ketamine in the middle

[01:03:03] of a cluster headache on a trip,

[01:03:04] and it was like a biblical warfare thing

[01:03:06] And I'm like a real time in an ancient setting of like good versus evil. I text my mom like mom

[01:03:12] There's a biblical shit going on. She's like she's in Paris. She's like, I know son. I'm working on you right now

[01:03:17] I'm like, how do you even know this stuff?

[01:03:20] So with the second retreat though, I had talked with one of the other like people

[01:03:28] at say with Hamilton Vivian, she's a wonderful human being, wealth of knowledge.

[01:03:32] She fried me a lot of guidance that's like helped me out that I still practice to this

[01:03:36] day.

[01:03:37] I just get perspective about what we're doing.

[01:03:39] And she was like, I saw you shrink after that, after that first retreat.

[01:03:43] She's like, you're lucky all you got back was your headings.

[01:03:46] And so I was going through a very brutal patch of them.

[01:03:49] And then on my third night in the recent retreat,

[01:03:52] I was in a state of God consciousness working on everything.

[01:03:55] And I was having a blast this retreat way better

[01:03:57] than the first time, my very first ceremony there,

[01:03:59] all the spirits that I saw before,

[01:04:01] they were all like high-fiving me.

[01:04:02] They're like, welcome back, bud, so good to see you.

[01:04:04] I'm like, yes, hell yeah.

[01:04:06] And I was like, I was having the best like laughing fits.

[01:04:09] I was laughing so hard.

[01:04:10] The entire room started laughing at me laughing at certain things.

[01:04:13] I'm like, oh, hell yeah.

[01:04:14] And then I felt like a really great advancement in myself,

[01:04:19] my growth, and what I could contribute to the group.

[01:04:21] And encourage people and participate in, you know?

[01:04:23] But on my third night after a ceremony of that intense giggle fit, Hamilton's like, you good? I'm like, man,

[01:04:29] you're like, you're my dog for life, Hamilton. I love you so much. I'm like so blessed to know you.

[01:04:34] But so I decided I'm like, all right, Tommy, you know, send this laughing fit, by the way, I'm like

[01:04:38] purging and then like, which kind of people are usually like, oh oh no, you know, or something type stuff.

[01:04:46] And so the ceremony's over and I'm still saving high.

[01:04:49] Like I said, this second retreat, I went to multiple of the plastic cups now night.

[01:04:54] So I'm like, all right, Tommy, let's go to the bathroom.

[01:04:57] And I'm like, let's settle some shit, dude.

[01:04:59] And I was like, look here, Tommy, you've been a master of fun your entire life.

[01:05:05] I'm like, we're here to fix everything that's wrong with you right now.

[01:05:08] We are here to get all the guidance and the wisdom that we need to set us up

[01:05:12] for the rest of our lives.

[01:05:14] I'm like, so right now we kind of need to cut the shit, bud.

[01:05:16] So I go to the bathroom in the lodge, the ceremony room, and it's, you know,

[01:05:21] it's like pitch black.

[01:05:22] So I go in there and I just sit down and like,'m so high I brought my bucket at puke with me.

[01:05:27] Even though there's already fresh buckets there.

[01:05:29] So I'm in this bathroom. I got two buckets.

[01:05:31] I'm like, cool way to go. I'm like, at least we got backups.

[01:05:33] So I'm sitting there. It's in the dark.

[01:05:35] And mind you, you know, this whole thing screened in,

[01:05:37] but you know, bugs still get in Amazon.

[01:05:39] Don't give a shit.

[01:05:40] So I'm sitting there.

[01:05:41] My body's the hottest I've ever been.

[01:05:44] I'm like nauseous.

[01:05:45] I feel like you know I have to like shit too as well. I'm getting swarmed by mosquitoes.

[01:05:50] I would describe this as perhaps one of the worst settings I've been in while the highest

[01:05:54] I've ever been in my life. And I'll go Tommy, you can't leave this bathroom till you feel

[01:05:59] the best you ever have in your entire life and we fixed everything. And I'm like we're

[01:06:02] making this agreement right now bud. I mean, we're cutting the shit literally.

[01:06:06] So I'm sitting in there and I was like, what would I have learned from Hamilton was like

[01:06:11] this great communication with yourself. And this is what's like carry, I carry with me everywhere.

[01:06:16] They're talking to your body, talking to your mind, talking to your heart, talking to your spirit,

[01:06:22] balancing these things out. You know, nobody taught us growing up that we should do that

[01:06:26] or we can do that.

[01:06:27] This is the answer to carrying a lot of our basic problems.

[01:06:30] So I'm sitting here and being like,

[01:06:31] body, relax, there you go, bud.

[01:06:34] And so the other thing is that we just tell us

[01:06:36] to talk to the elements.

[01:06:38] And so I've been working on this shit, man.

[01:06:40] One of my goals was like,

[01:06:40] I'm getting fucking rid of these mosquitoes.

[01:06:43] So I'm like, in my mind, kind of the formula

[01:06:45] for how we're working and commuting with any spirit

[01:06:49] or like in ceremony.

[01:06:50] I mean, example, I'll be like, mama ayah.

[01:06:54] My intentions are for X, Y, and Z, gratitude, love.

[01:06:59] And the more you mean it, the more authentic it is.

[01:07:01] I feel like everything's on the table.

[01:07:03] So here I am in the bathroom,

[01:07:05] getting sworn by the mosquitoes.

[01:07:07] I'm like in their nature spirits,

[01:07:09] clear the vicinity of mosquitoes, infinite love,

[01:07:13] infinite gratitude.

[01:07:15] They're gone, I'm like, sweet, first problem.

[01:07:17] Cause you don't wanna try and take out all problems at once.

[01:07:20] Like Hamilton related to us,

[01:07:22] he's like, think about it as low hanging fruit.

[01:07:23] Get them easy fruit first, then get used to that. And then what, think about it as low hanging fruit. Get them easy fruit first.

[01:07:25] Then get used to that.

[01:07:26] And then what's left the next round of fruit.

[01:07:28] So I'm like, cool, mosquito is gone.

[01:07:30] I was like, nature, I'm really, really hot.

[01:07:33] Please hit me with a gust of wind.

[01:07:35] Right, dude.

[01:07:36] Little, little, little bits of wind come down.

[01:07:38] I'm like, body cool down.

[01:07:41] Body's cooling down.

[01:07:42] Like, excellent.

[01:07:43] And I'm like, I'm an ayahuasca.

[01:07:45] I'm asking to purge all debts in this life

[01:07:47] and all debts in all of my past lives.

[01:07:50] Oh, gratitude.

[01:07:51] That's a tall order I will say.

[01:07:53] So as you can imagine,

[01:07:54] that's like coming out of every way possible.

[01:07:57] So cool, now I'm starting to feel a little bit better.

[01:07:59] I'm here in the toilet in the dark

[01:08:01] and now I'm sitting in here feeling the best I have.

[01:08:03] Now I'm ready to start doing that work.

[01:08:05] I'm like, Tommy, now we're going to work and fix everything in your life.

[01:08:08] Worked on the headaches.

[01:08:10] I started asking about my path and acquiring the skills for running this new company that I'm going to have.

[01:08:15] I see that in real time, you know, and then I start seeing things about me regarding like

[01:08:20] different realms, angelic realms, things about shamanism.

[01:08:24] And then it's me realizing that I'm gonna have

[01:08:25] this beautiful inner woven thing going on with my life

[01:08:28] forever.

[01:08:29] And then I start doing some selfless stuff.

[01:08:30] I start letting my wife know that I forgive her.

[01:08:32] Like Hamilton related like, yeah,

[01:08:33] you don't have to just work on yourself

[01:08:35] and you can do remote work from here.

[01:08:36] So I'm like working on things with my family.

[01:08:38] I'm asking, you know, for my wife to fucking be okay.

[01:08:42] You know, she's, she also suffered from brain aneurysm

[01:08:44] and a couple other brain surgeries that like plagued her

[01:08:46] and give her a lot of anxiety.

[01:08:48] I'm like letting her know that things are okay.

[01:08:50] Sitting with my spirit and true love regarding everything

[01:08:52] that I still love her no matter what.

[01:08:54] And it's always will.

[01:08:56] And I went through this long list of intentions

[01:08:59] of banging him out and you're seeing everything

[01:09:00] with precise, like lucid vision.

[01:09:02] And I'm like, all right, dude, we did it.

[01:09:04] We did it, Tommy. And I'm like, all right, dude, we did it. We did it, Tommy.

[01:09:05] And I let out the most intense, beautiful cry

[01:09:07] of just being proud of myself

[01:09:08] and conquering all these things

[01:09:10] and really maturing and setting myself up for life.

[01:09:13] So I'm like, we can get out of your butt.

[01:09:15] So I finally turn on this flashlight.

[01:09:16] I'm like, my pants are all twisted up.

[01:09:17] I'm like, in the dark.

[01:09:18] I'm like, all right, maybe we ain't done yet.

[01:09:20] I'm like, mama, ayahuasca,

[01:09:21] grant me infinite awareness, an infinite night vision. I'm like, I'm not gonna get no night vision, Doc. I'm like mama ayahuasca grant me infinite awareness and infinite night vision

[01:09:29] So I collect my pants and I get out and I realize everybody's asleep in the ceremony room like oh no

[01:09:34] I'm like I guess we're gonna stay in here tonight, man. So I don't even turn on my light

[01:09:38] I'm just like crawling on the ground like military style a little bit bump into an empty bucket. I'm like oh thank God

[01:09:45] Excellent slide this off to the side find a map. I'm in the most beautiful

[01:09:49] peace and surrounding of every encounter in my life to date at that moment and then like 30 minutes go by

[01:09:54] and here's somebody leaving like, oh, I can get the fuck out of here.

[01:09:57] So I get out and it's the day before the super moon clear sky and you know, the moon just seems closer than ever

[01:10:06] Super Moon clear sky and you know the moon just seems closer than ever and I just let out like this one last

[01:10:13] Beautiful tear that was like thick and gelatinous cold and hot at the same time and it dispersed like a million liquid Diamonds across my cheek and I just felt like it was very symbolic of like I'm done with this chapter in my life

[01:10:19] And we're amazing man. We can just keep moving forward man. Like I can't encourage enough

[01:10:27] What your experience can be and what you can get out of being with Hamilton

[01:10:31] and the whole team and the whole vibe there.

[01:10:33] It's, I look forward to that to more than like my own

[01:10:36] birthday to Christmas to anything else.

[01:10:38] And I know that I'm personally going to be doing annual trips

[01:10:42] probably every June and July, something like that.

[01:10:44] And my goals are to

[01:10:46] everybody around me you know I've seen ripples around me in my community and they're like what

[01:10:50] like the fuck's going on with Tommy why is he so much better than he's ever been his entire life

[01:10:54] how's he stopped doing an eight ball of coke every two days and like not drinking an entire

[01:10:58] bottle to keel every day and like doing all this other stuff you know they're like everybody's

[01:11:02] like I was I was functioning very great I was very successful at work while doing these things,

[01:11:06] but obviously it's not healthy, right?

[01:11:09] And I had no like appearance

[01:11:11] that I would ever stop this lifestyle.

[01:11:13] So when I came back from prove,

[01:11:15] like it was inspiring to a lot of friends of mine.

[01:11:17] And so it's been cool that this positive ripple

[01:11:21] and the impacts that we do with the world around us, you know,

[01:11:23] from what's going on from that real healing

[01:11:27] that you get to experience with Hamilton, you know,

[01:11:30] is the best.

[01:11:31] It's so cool.

[01:11:32] Yeah, man.

[01:11:34] It feels like we're in like the center of the eye

[01:11:37] of the storm or something, you know?

[01:11:38] Like we're here trying to promote peace,

[01:11:42] trying to promote love and healing.

[01:11:44] And man, this community really feels like just a great environment for that.

[01:11:50] Yeah.

[01:11:50] As the last question, as we begin to hit an hour here and wrap up,

[01:11:56] where do you see yourself going with the Blue Morpho Academy,

[01:12:00] with the stuff you've learned?

[01:12:01] Like, do you want to facilitate?

[01:12:03] Are you trying to do this stuff professionally?

[01:12:05] Like where do you see yourself going

[01:12:06] in the future from here?

[01:12:08] Perfect timing because this is exactly the direction

[01:12:10] I was loving and hoping to actually go

[01:12:12] to synchronicity, my man.

[01:12:14] Beautiful.

[01:12:15] So when I had mentioned my very first

[01:12:20] ayahuasca experience about seeing that progression

[01:12:23] of shamanic ceremonies, That was the one thing

[01:12:25] that wasn't exactly clear to me when I asked about my path. And so what I've been experiencing

[01:12:32] also with my private ceremonies is there's very much so like remember I mentioned I said the

[01:12:37] the vibe from the shamanic spirits or the shamanic spirit was like welcome to the show.

[01:12:43] Now when I'm doing these other things in my private ceremonies,

[01:12:46] like alone, the vibe is kind of turned into welcome back.

[01:12:51] And so I kind of perceived in the notion of past lives,

[01:12:55] what I experienced was those were either my past lives

[01:12:58] or it was something that was integral to my past lives.

[01:13:02] And so with my youth and my growing up,

[01:13:06] and even in the beverage world, man,

[01:13:07] so think about this, I've always had a very innate role

[01:13:11] as in a guide for a setting and an experience.

[01:13:14] I've very much so been somebody that's like,

[01:13:16] hey guys, we're gonna take these things,

[01:13:18] I'm gonna introduce them to you

[01:13:19] and I've got everything mapped out.

[01:13:21] We're gonna go out nature and do this,

[01:13:22] or we're gonna go in this really insane setting

[01:13:24] because I know all you can handle this shit.

[01:13:25] We're gonna have fun.

[01:13:26] I'm gonna be a conductor.

[01:13:27] And the bar is no different.

[01:13:29] I'm like, here you go.

[01:13:30] Here's your cocktail.

[01:13:31] I'm actually having a little bit too.

[01:13:32] So you're not alone in this.

[01:13:33] Let me guide the setting for you.

[01:13:35] Something that's just very, very natural.

[01:13:38] And within these deep realms of like the psychonaut life

[01:13:44] that I live, I feel insane comfort.

[01:13:47] And so I very much so feel absolutely,

[01:13:52] my goals are to continuously go down

[01:13:54] master facilitator, like a hundred percent.

[01:13:57] And so when I was with Christian,

[01:13:59] I explained to him like this kind of just

[01:14:00] fork in the road a little bit.

[01:14:02] I got like this cool job and get ready to have,

[01:14:04] but I truly feel a very strong calling and it's like in my ceremony state

[01:14:11] they're all like hey guys or hey Tommy come on come on down here you're gonna be so great at this

[01:14:17] and they're like here's your here's some gifts back dude like here's this eco road I'm like cool

[01:14:21] so like I've been learning like kind of humming with my voice and whistling and things are just

[01:14:24] coming out of nowhere and when I practice this alone it's like my so like I've been learning like kind of humming with my voice and whistling and things are just coming out of nowhere and

[01:14:26] When I practice this alone, it's like my vision lights up and there's like a orchestra of other spirits like hey man check it out

[01:14:32] You want this one too or try this tape, you know type five. It's cool, but yeah, so what Christian had said was

[01:14:39] Why not treat it as a hobby, you know, it's like shamanism isn't going anywhere

[01:14:43] He's like you still have your life and your regular thing. And I kind of perceived,

[01:14:47] you know, or I took from that, I'm like, yeah, I don't need to alienate myself from

[01:14:51] this really big elaborate, beautiful network I've already fostered and

[01:14:53] contribute to, right? You know, and this can be a beautiful accent and like, you

[01:14:59] know, subtle base note with everything going on in my life. And so with my own

[01:15:02] personal ceremonies that I conduct with friends, I don't charge them anything, especially because you know, I'm still learning

[01:15:08] and they're going to trust me with some stuff and beautiful amazing results and I'm really proud

[01:15:13] of my artistry and how I apply myself. Like I'm definitely like guinea pigging myself and almost

[01:15:19] like I always happen in like an evil, can you be away? You know, like imagine a wet noodle,

[01:15:24] evil, can you be flying off a ramp.

[01:15:26] Sometimes that's going to stick.

[01:15:27] Sometimes it's going to drop.

[01:15:28] Then I just laugh it off, pick myself back up, get on that insane dirt, but I can keep

[01:15:32] cruising, man.

[01:15:33] But yeah, 100%.

[01:15:34] I'm so fascinated by it.

[01:15:36] I imagine that sometimes I will probably spend extensive periods down in the Amazon, like

[01:15:42] maybe even a year at a clip, but I'm not trying to get

[01:15:46] too stuck into a rigid timeline and make myself having to be just like restricted to

[01:15:52] whatever like periods of like or like time stamps, you know what I mean? Take it as it comes,

[01:15:57] go with the flow, listen to my intuition, you know. I feel like the more that I do that,

[01:16:02] everything is easier and easier.

[01:16:05] Doors just open up at the right time.

[01:16:07] Forcing things you'll know when you're forcing it because it can only get so far, you know,

[01:16:10] or you're going to stumble or something, you know.

[01:16:12] But yeah, those are my goals.

[01:16:15] What about you with the whole course?

[01:16:17] Man, I'm not sure yet, you know.

[01:16:20] I've taken courses before in like psychedelic assisted therapy training. Actually,

[01:16:26] the reason this podcast is even a thing is because I took a course through psychedelics

[01:16:31] today. It was there, it was called navigating psychedelics for clinicians and therapists

[01:16:36] and then integration in self care. And actually, as the course was wrapping up, there was a,

[01:16:44] they called it an integration project.

[01:16:46] So it was like your final project, your final like test basically.

[01:16:49] And you had to use all of the things you've learned, you know, all of whatever you've learned on your

[01:16:55] journey previously as well. And sort of map out what your future is going to be, create some sort

[01:17:00] of a structure or create a piece of art. Some people made music and stuff like that and actually played it live for us on

[01:17:07] Zoom, which was pretty cool.

[01:17:09] But for me, I decided I'm just going to

[01:17:12] structure this podcast and me and my brother had been had been talking about

[01:17:16] doing a podcast anyway, because we talk about this stuff all the time.

[01:17:19] He's just like a not as well.

[01:17:21] Excellent.

[01:17:22] So I was like, you know what?

[01:17:23] I'm just going to structure everything out,

[01:17:25] plan it all out, use this as an opportunity to actually start the thing

[01:17:29] instead of just talking about it.

[01:17:30] And it's just been history from there.

[01:17:32] So I mean, man, and I discovered the Blue Morpho Academy through interviewing

[01:17:38] Barrett, as we had talked about before, you know her.

[01:17:41] And as an interviewing Hamilton, you know, he told me during our podcast

[01:17:44] about the Blue Morpho Academy. And I was like, man, this sounds like a great opportunity.

[01:17:48] So the podcast itself has just given me so much. I mean, so many connections with people

[01:17:54] and just random stuff here and there, you know, it's like that butterfly effect.

[01:17:58] It's truly so I asked for, well, I love the name of your podcast first off. So the concept

[01:18:04] of infinity is huge for me.

[01:18:05] So I got my hand, so on my thumb, infinity symbol, right?

[01:18:09] But the other things are my other,

[01:18:10] like my consistent pursuit, search for infinite love,

[01:18:13] light, knowledge, and wisdom.

[01:18:15] So my process for the ceremony,

[01:18:17] I established my sanctuary,

[01:18:19] and then I'm like, my intentions are for these blanket

[01:18:21] ones, and I work for other ones though.

[01:18:23] But when I ask for infinite resource

[01:18:25] and things like that, it's situations like this.

[01:18:28] And it all comes together.

[01:18:29] People just pop up and like the things that you need,

[01:18:31] they really materialize.

[01:18:32] So it's not even just like our beautiful

[01:18:35] like metaphysical aspects of their mind

[01:18:37] and that type of consciousness healing.

[01:18:38] It's like everything does come together truly.

[01:18:41] When you work with things, they work with you too.

[01:18:44] You know, it's not like you work for me. they work with you too. You know, it's not like

[01:18:45] you work for me, I work for you. We're working together. When we work together, I think everything's

[01:18:49] possible. Infinite possibilities is my thing too. And like, so when you ask me about am I

[01:18:53] going to be facilitators, like, I don't see why not because I'm not going to limit myself to a

[01:18:57] ceiling of what I can and cannot do. I'm just going to keep exploring and know that everything's

[01:19:01] possible. It's a beautiful way to look at life, you know. You'll find out if like I believe that obstacles and challenges are lessons,

[01:19:09] they're there for you to find out how far you're willing to go. That's all that is, you know.

[01:19:13] And if you're happy with where you're at, cool. I respect everybody's path, you know.

[01:19:17] For me, like this is the best stuff and I love to be a part of this community for

[01:19:21] us to share and encourage and uplift and elevate each other. It's wonderful. It's very wonderful. Yeah, man. It's really been a beautiful experience having

[01:19:29] gone through this course and having just been able to commune with everybody here.

[01:19:34] It's just been such a blessing, man. And this is why I wanted to share all of you guys with

[01:19:39] my audience because you guys are such beautiful humans, dude. And you're beautiful too though.

[01:19:45] Thanks man. Thank you.

[01:19:46] I just, I really appreciate you coming on man.

[01:19:49] Being so open, sharing your stories.

[01:19:51] It's just been, it's been both entertaining and just amazing.

[01:19:55] So just thank you so much, dude.

[01:19:56] Thank you. Thank you, man.

[01:19:57] Well, you know, I like to provide like some good context

[01:20:00] because you know, some people out there,

[01:20:02] they probably just believe,

[01:20:03] oh, Westerners tinkering around with, you know some people out there they probably just believe oh westerners tinkering

[01:20:05] around with you know medicine or whatever because there's definitely like a whole trend of people

[01:20:10] playing around with these things especially the United States you know like you know kind of like

[01:20:15] this like west coast hippie vibe sort of thing right we're like oh we're all just using these labels

[01:20:18] and whatever I know some of it's legit and some of it isn't but there's quackery in all fields of

[01:20:24] like professional western medicine and also the spiritual stuff too right but it's legit and some of it isn't. But there's quackery in all fields of like professional Western medicine and also the spiritual stuff too right. But it's nice to I guess for me to share

[01:20:31] some of the tremendous difficulties I went through and how I was able to survive those through a

[01:20:35] very legit means with the greatest professionals for me in my life through Blue Morpoh in our

[01:20:41] community and plant medicine when used appropriately you know know, dude, I'm happy to share.

[01:20:45] And I'd love to keep having some fun times with you, Josh.

[01:20:48] Absolutely.

[01:20:48] It's been a pleasure being on air.

[01:20:49] I'm thankful that you even put this up for us, man.

[01:20:52] For real.

[01:20:53] Thank you.

[01:20:54] It's my pleasure, dude.

[01:20:54] And I'd love to continue connecting with you guys.

[01:20:57] You know, however many people want to come on,

[01:20:59] I'm going to keep posting up in the telegram,

[01:21:01] see if anybody else wants to come on.

[01:21:03] It's just, it's amazing dude.

[01:21:05] Excellent man, excellent.